So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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