now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
