pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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