I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
