So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
