So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Houston, we have a squirter
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
