I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
