Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
