Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
