erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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