look no pants
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
