I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
