Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
