I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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