you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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