Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
