i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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