Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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