ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
