I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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