marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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