Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
