Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
