i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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