Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
