i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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