dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
