Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
