My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
