i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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