I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
