i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
