2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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