I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
