We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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