I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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