a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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