My sheets look like a crime scene.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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