Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
