What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
