"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i out mim tonsoeep
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