so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
