he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
