Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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