He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
