This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
