Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
