you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
