Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
