$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
