How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
